


I'm sorry, Thomas.

by Monday_Writes (Lol_bnhalover)



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Amputation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyfriends, Depression, Drunkenness, Eventual Fluff, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Help, Hospitalization, M/M, Mental Instability, My First Work in This Fandom, Opposite Day AU, Physical Therapy, Recovery, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Therapy, Tom is a Sweetheart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2020-10-19 04:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20651063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lol_bnhalover/pseuds/Monday_Writes
Summary: Tord has dealt with the voices in his head for far too long, his crush on a certain pastel blue brit making both better and worse.No one would ever think that little crybaby tord would do something like this, how could he?WARNING THIS CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SELF HARM.{This is the opposite AU, none of the characters belong to me. I'm shipping the characters, not the real people you heathens!}





	1. I'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen anything else like this, so here... Sad opposite day characters. :p
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fan fction.

Tord sighed softly, the crisp evening air stinging his skin through his sweater. Tonight was the night. He was going to do it, make the voices quiet once and for all. He'd been dealing with them ever since middle school, filling his head at every waking hour.

'_Worthless! useless! crybaby scaredy-cat, you can't do anything right! All you do is bring everyone down. Edd has anxiety attacks because you can't be normal. Matt is tired of helping you! Tom will never love you! He's so cute and happy, yet you're ugly and depressed. All you do is cry. Die. DIE DIE DIE_ **DIE** **DIE YOU WORTHLESS BEING_'_**

Tord shook his head, fighting to take control of his thought. It didn't matter, HE didn't matter. Soon it'd all be over and he'd be free. Matt, Tom, and Edd could live happy lives without Tord there to ruin it…. Tom…

Tom would be broken…. He was Tords very best Friend, and to think of him sobbing over his dead broke his heart. Though, he'd probably be sadder over the fact that he took his own life rather than the death in general. 

Oh well, they'd move on. Tord wasn't someone to be mourned over. He just hoped that they didn't open the letter to early. Maybe they wouldn't even find it, he didn't exactly say something important like 'I love you'. 

Finally, Tord approached a tall building. There, that would be more than enough to kill him. A small voice in the back of his head told him to go home, not to leave his friends like this. That voice suspiciously sounded like tom, but it was quickly drowned out but the much louder voice.

'Kill yourself. You won't be missed.' Taking a deep breath, Tord entered and, without ever being seen, raced to the roof. 

It was a disgustingly beautiful view. 'Heh, such a pretty thing to see before my end.' He thought with a chuckle, gripping the rail. The sky was painted a beautiful array of orange and pink. "I'm sure people would die for a view like this. Heh, die" 

He giggled at his own joke, moving over the rail. The tips of his feet stuck out over the small ledge. One jump would make his, and everyone else's lives so much better. 

"TORD!" Fuck! Did they seriously open it that quickly? Slowing turning his head, tord saw none other than tom. He was shaking, tears leaking from his sockets. It was his gut knot, seeing his normally happy friend so distraught.

"You weren't supposed to see this," he said calmly, turning around fully and holding onto the railing.

"T-tord. Please don't. I d-don't know why you're doing this but-but please don't jump." Tom choked out, gripping his pastel blue sweater with a death grip. Tord chuckled, genuinely chuckled.

"Why shouldn't I? What, 'so much to live for?" He smiled sadly at the shorter male. "I'm sorry Tom, but I don't. I have nothing to show but my scars and tears. I have done NOTHING right in my whole life! And now" 

Tord let go of the rail to hold his arms out beside him, a wide smile on his face. "Now I'm going to do at least one thing right. I love you tom" with that, Tord leaned back, allowing gravity to do its work.

"NO!" Tom sprinted, managing to grab his wrist, just barely. Tord looked up at him in shock, tears escaping silver eyes. "You're wrong! You have plenty to live for, you do plenty right. You HAVE me, You MAKE me happy. I c-can't live without you tord, d-don't leave me. I-i Love you!" 

Tom wailed brokenly, praying that he had enough strength. Tord looked down for a moment before looking back at tom, Terror in his eyes but a warm comforting smile on his lips. "I'm sorry Thomas"

Tords wrist slipped from Toms grip.


	2. Blood, bruises, and tears

"Edd, calm down. Tord wouldn't run away." Matt grumbled, glaring at the frantic brunette. Edd had been listing off possible negative outcomes since he heard about the letter tord left.

"He might! Think about it, he's been distancing himself lately. He doesn't talk to tom as much, AND he left a letter with a TIME!" Edd babbled, pacing back and forth.

"B-but he's my best friend! why….. Why would he leave us? Did I do something?" Tom whimpered softly, seeming even more distressed. Matt grabbed the envelope from the coffee table and tossed it to tom.

"Open it, Im telling you he's not running away," Matt said. Tom smiled, tearing it open. He began reading it aloud.

"To whoever finds this letter -If you are reading this... I'm a-already de-dead" tom choked on a sob. Matt snatched the paper from his hands.

"Knowing you guys, you've opened it early. Well, I've prepared for this. You can't save me, please don't try. I don't want you to have to see the aftermath. I've written my will, and I have been planning this for a very long time. Years, I dealt with the voices in my head for years. They won, I can no longer take it. I'm so sorry you had to deal with me for so long. I wish i could've been a better friend. Goodbye." 

Matt looked extremely disturbed, tears threatening to fall. Edd stared off into space, tears silently falling. Tom covered his mouth with his hands, muffling broken sobs. No one knew what to say or how to react.

"There's an address. Maybe there's still a chance" matt breathed, fighting not to let his voice waver. Edd startled, jerking his head to the ginger. Tom nodded, trying to calm sobs that clawed at his throat. He stood, a determined look on his face despite the tears that continued to fall.

"W-we have to! Tord is our friend, he c-can't -" his voice shook and broke at simply the thought of their friend dying. Matt agreed, rubbing his eyes harshly. They wasted no more time, sprinting out the door.

"I know where to go, follow me!" Matt yelled, sparing a glance behind him. 'You better be alive!' He thought desperately. God, matt prayed that they wouldn't arrive to find his mangled corpse. There had to be time, tord couldn't die like this.

Finally, they arrived at a tall apartment building. Tom rushed towards the door, screaming over his shoulder. "I'm going up! Call someone in case this goes south!" 

Tom tripped multiple times racing up the stairs, heart beating out of his chest. 'Please God, tord be okay. I can't lose you' he thought, tears burning paths down his face. Why hadn't he noticed? Tord was his best friend, it was Toms's job to notice he was hurting like this.

Reaching the top, tom slammed the door open. Standing on the other side of the railing was a figure in red. "TORD!" Tom sobbed, staggering slightly. He was so very tired from running, and only adrenaline was keeping him from collapsing.

Silver eyes met empty sockets as tord turned to face him, face scarily void of any emotions."You weren't supposed to see this," he said calmly, turning around fully and holding onto the railing. Tom want to vomit.

"T-tord. Please don't. I d-don't know why you're doing this but-but please don't jump." Tom choked out, gripping his pastel blue sweater with a death grip. Tord chuckled, fucking chuckled.

"Why shouldn't I? What, 'so much to live for?" He smiled softly, making the pit in his stomach grow. "I'm sorry Tom, but I don't. I have nothing to show but my scars and tears. I have done NOTHING right in my whole life! And now" 

Tord let go of the rail to hold his arms out beside him, a wide smile on his face. "Now I'm going to do at least one thing right. I love you tom" with that, Tord leaned back, allowing gravity to do its work.

"NO!" Tom sprinted, managing to grab his wrist, just barely. His stomach pressed painfully against the metal bar but that was the least of Tom's concerns. Tord looked up at him in shock, tears escaping silver eyes. Tom began to speak, trying desperately to pull the Norwegian up. "You're wrong! You have plenty to live for, you do plenty right. You HAVE me! You MAKE me happy! I c-can't live without you tord, d-don't leave me. I-i Love you!" 

Tom wailed brokenly, praying that he had enough strength. Damn it! Why wasn't he stronger? Tord looked down for a moment before looking back at tom, Terror in his eyes but a warm comforting smile on his lips. "I'm sorry Thomas"

Tords wrist slipped from Toms grip, sending him plummeting to the ground.

* * *

"He's in surgery. He won't be accepting visitors for a while now." A nurse said softly to the three. She was a solemn look on her face. "We will call you if anything happens or when he is stable enough to accept visitors." 

"T-thank you" matted mumbled, voice horse. The young woman gave one final smile before walking away. The three males just sat there for a few more minutes before matt finally spoke. "We should head home. There's no point in being here if we can't even see him. And he would want us to take care of ourselves."

Toms sniffed, standing on weak legs. Edd helped him walk as they left the building. Not wanting to walk, Matt called them a taxi. It was a surprisingly silent ride to their home, everyone in their own little world.

Edd found it hard to unlock the front door, his hands shaking sporadically. He finally managed to shove the key into the keyhole, opening the door with a little more force than was necessary. 

Without a word, they all went to their respective rooms, blatantly ignoring the fourth door. Edd's softly closed his door, sliding to the floor. He shook, tears flowing like waterfalls, but not a sound left his lips. Drawing his knees to his chest, edd cried silently. 

Tord was one of his best friends, having known him since childhood. Seeing like that, so broken. Being forced to watch as his body made contact with the ground, that sickening _crunch _of bones and flesh being broken and crushed. It sent a shiver through his spin. Edd friend until his tears ran out until his world faded to black as sleep overcame his tired mind. The sounds of sobs drifting through his walls barely registering in his mind, or when they stopped

* * *

Matt slammed his door, hot angry tears spilling down his face. He hated it. Hated crying, showing any weaknesses. Even so, he couldn't stop himself now. Matt dropped to his knees, images flashed in his mind. Blood, wide clouded silver eyes, broken bones stabbing through pale skin. It was all so sickening. He gripped his shirt, soft sobs shaking his body. Tord was always the innocent one of the group, now whom he vowed his life for the day he met him. Always so small, even if he was the second tallest. 

Matt always suspected that something was wrong, but never said anything. He should've. Now tord was fighting for a life he no longer wanted and it pained matt. The ginger didn't remember passing out, it just happened. 

* * *

Tom closed his door, stumbling to his bed as a sob clawed its way up his throat. Tom could hardly breathe, and it took him a moment to realize that the ugly screams were him. The Brit never liked his crying. 

Tord, his best friend in the whole wide world and long-time crush. Feeling first arose in their freshman year of high school, and only got worse as time went on. Tom couldn't bear the thought of losing tord and wasn't afraid to admit he loved him. 

Tom should've noticed, should've been quicker. If he was faster, he could've stopped him before he jumped. If he was stronger, he could've pulled tord up. Tord said he was a failure, but in reality, Tom was the failure. His throat burned and his voice was hoarse.

Hours pasted as he cried. Cried until he could no longer. Tom stared blankly at his pastel walls, reminding him of the happiness he may never have again. Sleep did not come to the brunette as he lay in silence.

Finally, the clock reading 4:30 am, tom stood on shaking legs. He wandered out into the hall, leaning on the wall for support. He stumbled into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. He found something he didn't even know they owned, a bottle of Smirnoff. Shrugging, Tom grabbed it. He took a swig, cringing as it burned his throat. 

"First time for everything I guess" he mumbled, taking another swig. If you told tom tord yesterday he'd be standing in the kitchen at 4 am getting drunk he'd probably laugh, yet here he was. His "eyes" drifting around the kitchen, landing on a small knife.

Feeling the alcohol take effect, tom set the bottle down on the counter, grabbing the knife and rolling up his sleeve. "What's the big deal…?" He slurred, bringing the knife to his wrist. Messily, he sliced the skin, hissing out in pain. Tom watched as crimson dripped onto the white counter. He made another cut, then another. He took another swig of Smirnoff, watching the blood pool with intent interest. 

"T-tom…?" Look up, tom met the horrified gaze of Matt. 

"M' Feeling like fuckin shit" he slurred, not caring at all. Matt moved quickly to take both the knife and alcohol from drunk. 

"T-tom. You're drunk… And bleeding. Come on, let's get you bandaged up" matt stuttered, placing the items out of toms reach. Tom stuck out his tongue, stubbornly staying in his seat.

With a pained sigh, matt grabbed Toms's uninjured wrist, leading him to the bathroom. "Sit… sit here" he muttered, grabbed some gauze. Tom pouted, sitting down on the toilet lid. Matt was silent as he wrapped toms cut. "Why…?" He breathed, keeping his head down.

"Wanted to see why he did it so much" Tom shrugged, hiccuping. Matt said nothing, rubbing his eyes before standing. They both ignored the others red and puffy eyes. 

"Promise me you won't… do that again?" Matt said quietly, staring at tom with pleading eyes. The drunk nodded, a yawn escaping him.

"Promise" he muttered, retreating to his room and collapsing into bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where that Smirnoff cane from? Who knows, probably a party. I hope youre enjoying this.


	3. I don't wanna fall asleep just yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom edd and matt just want tord to be okay. It seems like he never will '^'

Tom groaned, holding his pounding head. God, why did he ever drink? Even if the feeling of being drunk was nice, hangovers fucking sucked. Not to mention what he had done to himself. Tom felt awful, knowing Tord would feel even worse if he thought he was the reason. 

Tom didn't say anything when Matt started limping slightly, seemingly in pain. Or Edd rubbing his wrists and thighs constantly. He simply gave them his silent comfort. Even if he puked, tom was rarely seen sober, and had even bought a flask.

Matt watched him intently, stepping in if tom drank to much. Tom always seemed to do dumb shit when drunk. One day, while tom was still sober, they got a call from the hospital.

"Hello?" edd asked, shitting down on the couch and. His smile quickly turned to a frown before he hung up. "T-tords in really bad condition. They said he might not make so we need to go. NOW"

They didn't say anything else, just getting into their car. Matt bounced his leg, anything just to stop himself from freaking out. Tom was quietly praying. "please, please be okay. You have to get through this. Y-you have to…"

Edd was surprised and grateful they didn't get pulled over for how fast they were driving. They pulled into the parking lot and quickly piled out of the car, Tom almost face-planting.

Slamming the door open, the trio rushed to the receptionist desk. "T-tord Larrson! We're h-here for tord Larrson." Tom choked out breathlessly. The man gave them a sad look as he typed something into his computer.

"3rd floor, room 4C" he said calmly. For whatever reason, Tom choose the stairs, taking them two at a time. Having no choice, the other two quickly followed. 

"Tom, please. We're in a hospital!" Edd whined, managing to catch up to the blue clad. Finally they made it to Tords room, Tom thankfully opening a little softer 

Tord look horrible. His skin was sickly pale, and that was just what skin wasn't covered in bandages. His right leg was in a cast, and his right arm was missing from the elbow down. His freckles stood out against his pale skin, and even they looked dull.

Tom stumbled to his bedside, face flickering between different emotions. Matt looked positively sick, and edd honestly didn't want to be there. Of course he loved tord, they were basically brothers, but seeing him like this…. It just made him feel bad.

Tom gripped the bed sheets, trying and failing to stop himself from crying. "W-why…?" He gasped, suddenly feeling faint. "Why him?" 

"Tord's strong, he'll pull through." Matt said slowly, tears of his own threatening to fall. Edd stared down at his best friend, Not saying a single word as tears spilled down his cheeks. He didn't need to, 'I'm sorry' wouldn't fix the problem. Edd held Tord's remaining hand, closing his eyes and simply listening.

__________

"Alright, I'm just going to ask you a few questions." The Doctor asked, sending him a gentle smile. The broken male in his bed looked up at her, silver eyes training her body. 

"O-okay." He mumbled, acest thick and making his words almost unintelligible. The doctor smiled before pulling back up her papers.

"Okay, to start how are you feeling?"

"I- I don't know. Nothing much" She hummed, writing something down on her clipboard. 

"Uh huh, any pain? " 

"Y-yes, my arm still hurts. Even if its gone. And sometimes it hurts to breathe, like someone is stabbing me" He said, unconstitutional rubbing his stump.

"Well, your ribs were broken, so that might be the reason. We'll have to do an Xray to make sure nothing is out of place. And phantom pain is quite normal." She said, Writing more notes, the woman sent him a finally grin.

"That's all I have for now Mr. Larrson. You're expecting some visitors later today, but in the meantime, your nurse sowed you some plushes. " With that Tord was left alone again in his room. He picked up one of the dolls, and was surprised to find a picture underneath it. It was of him and his friends.

On the far left was Matt, his usual frown on his face. To his right was Edd, a nervous grin on his face with his arm around the male to his right, tord. He had a small smile on his face, A spoon and fork in either hand. Tom was the last one, his wide smile stretching across his face.

Was he ever that happy? When was the last time they were all able to just have fun? Why was everything always his fault? Sighing, Tord looked back down to the doll in his hand, Thomas.

He had a big smile, and two black button eyes. Tord brought the doll closer to his chest, trying not to cry. To his left was a table with many things one it. The two remaining dolls, a few cards, and a vases filled with his favorite flowers. Cardinals, Sunflower, and White roses. They were dying, just like him.

With a sigh, Tord laid back down, his chest starting to burn. "Why can't I be normal?" He murmured, closing his eyes. He lay there for what felt like hours, simply unable to sleep.

The door to his room opened, but he had no energy to open his eyes and see his visitor. 'Maybe if I act like I'm sleeping, they'll just go away.' He thought, deciding to at least give it a shot. It sadly, did not work.

"Hey Tord. We're back" came the sickly familiar voice of Thomas Ridewell. He sounded almost hopeless, like he did even know if tord would ever wake up. "It's been a full two weeks now…P-Please wake up soon" he tried to sound happy, but Tord could easily see right through his bull shit. Or hear…

There was the sound of chairs on either side of him, letting him know that all of them were there. Oh how he wanted to just spring up, to let them know he was okay. But he was also scared, oh so scared to face them again. They sat in silence for a while.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Came Edds voice, hand brushing some hair from tord's face. Why was he being so gentle? When was the last time anyone has ever been so gentle with him? 

"Tord's strong, he'll get through this." Matt sighed, gently grabbing Tord's hand. He too sounded sad, voice horse as if he had been crying. Was he so useless as to make matt of all people cry? 

Tord squeezed Matt's hand back, listening as he gasped. "T-tord! " edd squeaked. Silver eyes slowly opened, and tord put on a weak grin. He didn't want them to worry anymore.

"T-thank you" he croaked, sitting up. Matt just stared, still holding his hand tightly. Edd was gripping his sweater, shaking ever so slightly. Tom stared with wide 'eyes', tears threatening to fall. '**_Look what you've done, you've made your friends sob over you. Can't you do anything right!?'_**

"Tord!" Tom wailed, throwing his arms around him. Edd and matt weren't far behind, holding tord tightly in their embrace. "W-we were so worried! I t-thought you weren't ev-ever wake up~!" He wailed, shaking tord lightly.

"Don't you ever pull shit like that again! You almost gave us a heart attack!" Matt growled, though tord could clearly see the shine of tears on his freckled cheeks. Edd didn't say anything, burying his head in Tord's hair. 

"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.." Tord whimpered, hugging them as tightly as possible. He hated how he made them feel. How his selfish desire to die caused them so much pain.

"P-promise me you won't ever t-try something like that again!" Tom gasped. Edd nodded. Of course. Tord would do everything in his power to make sure they never felt so broken again, even if he had to suffer. It was okay, he was used to it by now.

"I promise." He breathed, closing his eyes in an attempt to stop his tears. The were partly from emotions, partly from pain. He didn't care, he never wanted to let go of them again. Tord sobbed into his friends arms, overcome with so many emotions he didn't know any other way to handle them without causing his friends even more pain.

After what felt like seconds but must've been at least minutes, they finally all pulled back. They wiped their faces clean of tears and chose to ignore their puffy eyes. Tord carefully leaned back against the head bord, biting his tongue as not to whimper.

"So, how long have you been up?" Tom said after a few moments of silence. 

"I'm not sure. It was still dark out when I woke, so maybe a few hours?" Tord guessed. 

"How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically" matt asked, which startled tord. He knew he needed to be honest with them, they deserve at least that. But at the same time, that voice in the back of his head told him not to burden them. As if reading his mind, matt quickly add "Seriously, don't just say your fine. We all know that isn't true"

"O-okay" he mumbled, looking down at his hands. "Umm, Emotionally indifferent, I don't really have anything to say on that. And physically? Pain." He said in a soft voice. Edd frowned at his vague answer. They never said he had to be specific. 

"Pain? Are you going to elaborate?" Edd questioned.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes" Tord sighed. Why were they so persistent?

"My chest hurts. The doctor said that my ribs were broken." he admitted. Tom covered his mouth and matt and edd just grimmest. 

"Did I hurt you when I jumped on you?" Tom asked shakily. Tord immediately shook his head.

"No! Its been hurting since I woke up, so you're not to blame" he said quickly. Blaming everything on themselves was Tord's job. There was no reason to make his friends think they had a hand in his pain.

"You should lay down," edd said in concern. Tord smiled softly.

"I'm fine, plus I want to talk to you guys." He said. Of course they weren't so easily convinced.

"Tord, as much as we want to talk to you, if you're in pain then you should rest. We aren't going anywhere." Matt said slowly, face void of any emotion. Tord bit his lip, trying to find something to say, anything to make them drop it. He sighed in defeat, muttering 'fine' under his breath as he laid down fully.

Tom smiled happily, ruffling his already messy hair. His eyelids felt heavy and finally tord fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ! I posted this on wattpad about a week ago but forgot to put it up here. Chapters will be slow, I'm overwhelmed with work.


	4. Cut. Drip. Thump

Tord felt cold.

Tord felt hot.

He was scared.

Or… was he calm? 

Actually, he wasn't quite sure what he was feeling, or if that feeling had a name. It was a hollow feeling, like there was nothing inside him. At the same time, it was like every possible emotion was running through him at once.

_ 'Numb' _ his mind helpfully supplied.

His grey eyes shakily landed on Matt, who had fallen asleep on the edge of the bed. His messy ginger hair framed his peaceful face. Why was he so peaceful? Tord suddenly envied him, and rising want. It wasn't fair. He wanted that feeling, he wanted any feeling. He hated feeling so empty.

Tord needed to feel something.

Anything.

No matter what it was.

A glent caught his eyes. 

A simple switch blade in Matt's pocket.

'I need to feel. Something, anything. I have to, no matter what.'

His fingers closed around the weapon. He should've felt the cool metal, but didn't. Unraveling the bandages on his stumb, he could slowly feel the world grow fuzzier. 

Cut.

He wanted to feel again. He needed to feel again.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

Ţ͕̪́̃͡o͎̜̾̿r̦̼̟̄̂͝d̛̠̫͐͘ͅ ̢̨̲̽̃͞w̯̠͔̐̏̎̃͢o̱͖̹̭̮̎̊͊͊͛u̡̢̩͋͆͞͡ͅļ̲̹̠͌̍̃̄d̦̗̞̲͋̿̈́͠ ̛̟͖͓͆̐d̞̠͊͊o ͔̝͈̆̅̓a̳̩̙͎̎͐͛͡n̞͝ŷ̘͎͞t͖̃h̨̯̙̋̕͞i͔̅ṅ̙g ̨̗̌͠t͕̳͉̋̚̕o̥͆ ̢͙͇͚̇̑͒̆h̡̩͚̳̍̃͋̈́̃ͅa̬̹̹̍͂̚v̭̺̉͜͠e̯̖͉̓̿͝ ̹͚͊̚f̫̪̽̍ë̮̰̉ẽ̮l̕͜ȉ͍̥̘̋̋n̲̔gs ̖̜̍̄b̙̚à̢̭̻̥̼̓̈̇̿cḱ̡̢̟̹̔͗͝.̮̿̕͢ ̣̰̮̻͕̒̀͐͑̄

̢̯̦̈́̐̐

Cut. Cut. Cut.

Why wasn't this working??

Cutcutcut

This should be working he should be feeling something why was he so numb?

Cut Cut Cut Cut

Something was wrong he needed to fix it.

Cutcutcutcut—

The knife was gone. No more knife

He still could feel.

Drip

Drip

Drip

"Tord what the hell are you doing!?" Matt screamed, surprised by what he was seeing. Tord didn't respond, staring blank eyed as his bloody stump.

Drip

Drip

Drip

"Tord! Tord answer me!" 

Drip drip drip

Drip 

Drip

Drip

"God damnit tord if you die on us because of this I'm going to bring you back from your grave and kill you myself!" Matt screamed, shaking tord fruitlessly. He was in his own head, far from whatever was happening in the outside world.

Tord was so fucking cold….

**ʇ̹̼̫̈̅̾̒͢ɥ̫̿͑ͅƃ̛̮̋̅͗͢͜ͅᴉ͈͐ɹ̧̮̤͙̓̇̃̄ ̢͈͙̆̾͞ʇ̺̘̜̍̽̔̾͟,̧͇̖̝̉̏̉̌u̘͐ṡ͔͖́ɐ̨͎̎̃̽͟ʍ̜̆ ͙͔͕͉̈̈́̀ʇ͕ɐ͚̑ɥ̗͛ʇ͎̥̼̰͈̾̏̓̃̈́ ̬̺̙́͆̉o̖͍̥̺̊̓̕Ṋ̳̾̇͢͝**

Tord was very very hot.

**¿̹̻̜̏̔̂͜¿̧͍̰̟̒̈́͠͠ɥ̩͍͗͞ʇ̛̹͚̤̥̿͗ọ͍̏̓q̡̛͉̜͉̏̓̄ ͕͎͉͎̐̃͐̈́¿̖͐ǝuo͙̦͋͒ ̲̲̙̠͋͌͑̈́͘͢ɥ̺͙̓̌ɔ̥̤̺̿͊̓̆̉͢͟ᴉ̢͕̟̝̽̒͠͠ɥ̡̮͎͉̜͑̓̃̐͠ʍ̩̠̖̅͊̒ ̩̔'̥̠́̐ʇ̫͖̮̰̒̑͛̔ᴉ̗͐̄͟ɐ̺̏M̱̠̏**

He was scared.

**̢̹̥͎̯̔̑͛͘͡ƃ͌͟ü̬̞̦̇̚ᴉ̼̈́ɥ̡̖͖̄̿͞ʇ̻͈̰̘̋̆̑͑ǝɯo̘͐s̘̝̜͙͛́̀̓ ̖̿̇͟ǝq̡̭͎̖̉̆͡͠ ̞͕͖̥̎͐̈o̼̝͚͛̅̏ʇ̬̥̯͚͉͌̈́͌͂ ̖̿s̰͑ɐ̢̟̗̬̋̀̀͡ɥ͉̞͊͞ ̟̱̥̈́́͝ǝ̗́ɹ̨͎͙̩̒̄̑́ǝ̲̌ɥ͎̳̜̩̓̄̃̎┴͍͎͐͠ ̹̱̒̍˙̝̱̲͗͘…̖̊ȏ͙̺N**

Or…. was he calm….?

**̝͒**

**̯̟͓̺̏̾͘¿̫̣͉̑͡¿̣̺͐͗q͇͇̬̒͘ɯ̯̫̔͗n̝͑N͍̲̻̉̑͞ ̧̰̮͓̥̂͆̋̀͌¿̝̙̋̊͘͟ɯ͉̆l̟̠͞͠ɐ̢͕͙̝̳̓̉́̈̍Ɔ̢͇̬͌̃̕ ͓͛̽ͅ¿̨̼͚̽̿͊͆ͅp̙͔͕̰̽͋̓ǝ̩̻̇̽ɹ̡̛͖̟̦͇́̄͗͂ɐ̠̞̞̃̅̃ɔ̙̥̯͋͐̃̕ͅS**

_ **Thump** _


	5. (whoops) words leave scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really, i meant to post this before i posted chapter 4, but i forgot and didn't realized i done goofed

Tom, Edd, and Matt walked down the hall, considerably happier then they had been the past few weeks. Of course, that happiness turned to uneasiness when they saw two doctors talking in front of tords hospital room.

"Hello! Is everything okay?" Tom chirped, trying not to let his worry show. The short brunette turned to look at him, her pale green eyes shining with worry.

"I'm afraid not sir, you're here for Tord?" She said softly, stuffing a pen in her coat pocket.

"Yes, I'm tom. Is something wrong with tord?" Tom asked in a worried tone. He glanced to his side before once again meeting the doctors eye. Matt let him take the lead and stood stiffly next to edd.

"My name is Dr. Leila, I'm Tord's doctor. This is my co-worker kiwi" she said, pointing to the taller blond female next to her. "Tord had an accident last night while trying to walk. I'd rather not go into details, but he lost a lot of blood." 

"Is he okay?!" Edd squeaked. Matt held his hand reassuringly be even he himself felt uncertain. 

"He's doing alright now. After a blood transplant and surgery, Tord is awake again. Right now we're trying out a new medicine, it makes him easily irritated so try not to push him too much." Kiwi sighed, jotting something down on her clipboard.

Leila stepped aside to allow them to enter. Tom rushed over to tords bedside. Silver eyes met black voids, tord tiredly opening his eyes. "Tom! Hey," he said while sitting up, much to their dismay.

"Hey, you should probably lay down. You lost a lot of blood" Matt said slowly, putting a hand on his shoulder. The Norwegian's self-harming tendencies were worrying him greatly. Tord's eyes widen with surprise, before looking away in what seemed to be shame. He didn't listen though, leaning back against the headboard.

"You…. I'm fine" he paused before shaking his head and changing his answer. Edd and Matt gave him unconvinced looks, but Tom tried to just smile. Even that looked strained.

"Okay Tordy! But don't go running around anymore." Tom Said. He received a small frown but Tord still nodded.

"So tord, why were you trying to walk? Weren't you scared?" Edd asked nervously. Tord only shrugged. 

"Not really, plus if I want to make myself useful I can't just sit here all day. Not like i have much to do anyways."

"Hey! You're very useful and you don't need to hurt yourself to prove that. Healing takes time" Matt scolded. Tord bit his lip. "If you're bored we can bring you some books or something."

"Tordy, how about we work on that self-image of yours?" Tom said cheerfully. 

"I'd rather wallow in self-pity, thanks but no thanks" tord said. It was a surprising response since tord was always polite. Matt remembered the medicine thing and rubbed toms arms when he was visibly upset. 

"Tord, you can't just avoid it forever." Matt shook his head, already feeling a headache coming on.

"We only want to help you" tom whimpered.

"Maybe I don't want your help!" tord said with an angry expression. Tom flinched, but Matt wasn't going to take that.

"Hey! You have no right to get mad at us for trying to help you!" Matt growled, shrugging off toms hand. Tord continued to glare at them with a hate he'd never seen.

"I. Don't. Want. Your. Help." Tord said through clenched teeth. "I don't even want to be alive right now! Do you honestly think I want you to tell me how to feel?"

"No one's telling you how to feel!" Matt snapped back. Tord was about to record when tom interrupted him, standing up with tears in his eyes.

"Can't you see we only want the best for you? We care about you, of course we're gonna want to help you! Do you realize that we're affected every time you call yourself worthless?" Tom's voice shook but he continued on, staring right at tord. "Every time you put yourself down or hurt yourself we're affected. It sucks! I hate seeing you like this!" 

Tords eyes were wide as he stared at him in shock. Matt prayed that he'd understand just how much they cared about him. Tom took a few seconds to catch his breath before rolling up his sweater sleeves. His arm had countless scars, some only a few days old. Tord's breath hitched at the sight. "Do you see how much you affect us? Affect me?" Tom said slowly, hands shaking has he held out his arm for all to see.

"We care about you, tord. Enough to hurt ourselves" Edd said, holding out his arm. It too was covered in cuts, though there was less and they were older. He didn't meet anyone's eye, glaring the bed with glossy chocolate eyes.

Tord's eyes moved between the two, tears building up in his eyes. He curled in on himself, pathetic sob falling from his trembling lips. "I'm sorry. I'm so.. So sorry…" he cried, hiding his face from them. 

Matt moved closer, petting his mess of caramel hair lightly. Tom crawled onto the bed and hugged tord, pulling down his sleeve in the process. Edd joined in, mumbling soft words of comfort. Tord was a lot worse of than any of them first thought, but now looking at it matt saw that they were all messed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i could've done better


End file.
